Parenting Expert Siggie Cohen: One Daily Communication Habit That Causes Power Struggles

After working with more than 5,000 families, child development expert Siggie Cohen has identified a single communication mistake that parents repeat every day — one she says quietly erodes authority and generates avoidable conflict. The error centers on how parents use questions with their children, and correcting it, Cohen argues, is among the most accessible tools parents have for reducing power struggles at home.

The Pattern That Backfires

Cohen's central observation is that parents frequently reach for a question when the situation calls for a clear directive. Framing a non-negotiable as an open question — when the child's answer cannot actually change the outcome — hands the child an illusory choice. When the child responds honestly based on what was asked, the parent is left scrambling to reassert a limit they appeared to invite debate around.

This is the setup for a power struggle, and Cohen says she sees it play out across families of every background. The conflict isn't the child's doing; it flows from the structure of the exchange.

When to Set a Clear Limit

Cohen's framework distinguishes between moments that genuinely invite a child's input and moments that do not. Where a boundary is real — safety, schedule, a non-negotiable household rule — she recommends stating it plainly. A direct instruction removes the ambiguity that a question introduces and prevents the negotiation cycle that follows when children take the question at face value.

The practical test is simple: if the child's preference cannot actually change what happens next, the situation does not call for a question.

When Questions Serve a Purpose

Questions, in Cohen's view, remain a legitimate tool — when they are genuine. Asking children for input on matters where their answer truly counts builds cooperation and gives them a real sense of agency over their lives. The distinction between sincere questions and rhetorical ones, she argues, is what keeps the question itself meaningful rather than something children learn to dismiss.

Cohen's observations across more than 5,000 families frame this not as ideology but as applied pattern recognition: parents who calibrate their communication to the actual nature of a situation — direct when non-negotiable, open when genuinely flexible — navigate daily life with fewer standoffs. The adjustment is modest in practice but, she says, significant in result.